ear drums drumming memory
reverberating
drums drumming memory
shadows
drumming memory
echoing
memory
sleep
wake to dreams of leaves
adorning sidewalks
long walks home
the child perched beneath rainbows
your mother's eyes smiling
empty playgrounds at dusk
the first touch of fresh snow
sliding banisters
running bases
childhood
endless
peace
sleep
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Trust Peace
Trust
(my velvet daughter’s smile, like a vast translucent dream,
her open hand and brilliant laugh, her wild flower embrace)
peace.
(my velvet daughter’s smile, like a vast translucent dream,
her open hand and brilliant laugh, her wild flower embrace)
peace.
Friday, May 07, 2010
A moment arrives
A moment arrives
from nowhere
(now here)
and finds itself confronted by choice.
Not as in diverging paths, but versions of truth.
An icicle drips from the awning, and with each measured falling,
a new moment arrives
from nowhere
(now here)
again confronted by choice, or versions of truth.
A wildflower blooms, and with each new plume,
a new moment arrives
from nowhere
(now here).
The spiral continues until you confront
the moment that arrives
from nowhere
(now here)
and choose your version of truth.
from nowhere
(now here)
and finds itself confronted by choice.
Not as in diverging paths, but versions of truth.
An icicle drips from the awning, and with each measured falling,
a new moment arrives
from nowhere
(now here)
again confronted by choice, or versions of truth.
A wildflower blooms, and with each new plume,
a new moment arrives
from nowhere
(now here).
The spiral continues until you confront
the moment that arrives
from nowhere
(now here)
and choose your version of truth.
Monday, May 03, 2010
Firefly Elixir
We smear drunk rose delicious dreams,
and whisper sweet urges,
like light on sand at dusk.
We beg for morsels
(to taste, save, and savor)
from the memory making machine; summer.
and whisper sweet urges,
like light on sand at dusk.
We beg for morsels
(to taste, save, and savor)
from the memory making machine; summer.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Lullabye
In a moon soaked rocking chair moment
you touched my face and whispered.
Your curly tendrils of golden strawberry
wound down the side of your face
like so many sunset streams
of my Southern Ohio
foot hill memory.
In that instance of breath and smile,
I felt electric and sang you to sleep.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
solar desire
craving the gravity of your touch
i construct imaginary labyrinths
to find myself lost in
the endless details of the impossible you
i construct imaginary labyrinths
to find myself lost in
the endless details of the impossible you
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
New Rule: Same Sex Bathroom Visits
Every parent has a story like this.
We are driving home from vacation (in this case a 3 day trip to a cabin in the woods) and the kids are exhausted. It is dark. From the back seat Maya yawns and says she has to go potty. Naturally we are on the highway so I get in the right lane and start watching for an exit with a rest stop or gas station. As I veer onto the exit ramp, I look in my rearview mirror and see that Maya is fast asleep. She looks so Angelic and peaceful. And I have to wake her up.
If there is one absolute certainty in the world it is this: children ALWAYS go to the bathroom at the most inconvenient times possible. It's like they have some little internal radar that dictates a full bladder when (a) there is no bathroom in sight (b) you have just finished taking their sibling to the bathroom or (c) they have just fallen asleep on a long car ride.
Here's the problem: Maya is a pistol when she is happy and awake. When she is cranky and tired, she is a Nuclear Weapon. She is my Tomboy Princess. I love her to death. That is never in question, I would give my life for her in an instant. But, I would be lying not to admit that sometimes I think it would be a wise decision to hide under a desk in the fetal position rather than face her when she is mad. I am told that I was like this when I was a little boy. Sometimes when I relate stories about Maya to my parents they look at me with this strange smile, like they are finally cashing in on some cosmic bet from long ago.
So, the dilema. Let her sleep in peace, which she deserves, and risk cleaning up a horrible mess. Or, wake her up and take her to the bathroom, risking the wrath of a tired 3 year old Kamikaze.
I woke her up. And, as luck would dictate, it was my turn to take her to the bathroom. Generally speaking, Courtney takes on this duty - I did more with Luke when he was smaller. But, for reasons I don't recall, it was my turn.
Gently, I tap her on the shoulder. She nods in and out of sleep. I say something sweet. She tells me to leave her alone. I remove the seatbelt straps. She curls up in a ball. I pick her up and she puts her head on my shoulder. Very sweet and comfortable. I take her into the gas station and realize as we enter that this is going to be one of "those" men's rooms. I look back to the car, look at the bathroom door, and think that it can't be too bad. As I enter Maya starts to protest. I explain the situation to her. I reason with her. I reason with myself about why I am reasoning with a tired 3 yr. old that has to go to the bathroom.
I have read that there exists in nature many predators that disguise themselves so well that their prey is completely caught off guard when they attack. This is absolutely true, and one of them is apparently my spawn. Her first cry was piercing. Then, gathering her wits, she stopped crying and attempted to argue her way out of the bathroom. I asked her to take off her pants so that she could go potty. She refused, loudly. She told me that she was wearing a ballet one-piece under her jeans and T-shirt and that if I wanted her to go potty I would have to get her naked. This part she said quietly. She was not quiet when she yelled, "I won't let you get me naked!!" Nor was she quiet when she shouted as loud as she could, "Get away from me - you're not my Daddy!" Or "Don't touch me" Or "I just want my mommy. What did you do with my Mommy?"
I think it was at this point that I started to realize how this must sound to anyone on the other side of that door. Children say strange things, that's a given. I know that most parents would understand exactly what led us to this moment if they knew the whole story. I also know that if I were on the other side of that door at 10pm in a dirty gas station in the middle of no-where Ohio listening to a little girl scream what she was screaming I might be inclined to break down the door. Or call the Cops.
I was past the point of no return. She was going to use that bathroom if it was the last thing we did together. It should be noted here that I do not hit my children. In fact, I don't even spank them. My best form of punishment for Maya is taking away her baby dolls or dance slippers. I know what you are thinking: If I spanked her she wouldn't act like this in the first place. That's a nice thought, and absolutely not true. I do not know a parent that spanks who's child does not act out. I do not know a parent who doesn't spank who's child does not act out. All children act out.
Eventually, she went. She cried, protested, swore the whole time that she didn't have to go and became absolutely inconsolable, but she went. When I was putting her clothes back on and instructing her not to touch anything she stopped crying only long enough to ask what the vending machine in the bathroom was for, and did she get a treat for going potty. I tried to explain in a very calm tone that the machine was for adults only and did not have treats for little girls in it. This made her Really Mad. As I dried her hands and pushed open the door she was saying "I should have at least earned a treat for what I did".
That is when I saw the Police Officer with her hands folded over her chest staring at me on the other side of the door.
I smiled, weakly, and headed straight for the car. I figured that if she wanted to ask me questions, fine, but at least I could get to my wife and other child so she could see that I wasn't some Sicko. Safety in numbers, right? Thankfully, she did not ask me any questions, and I am quite sure that it was a coincidence that she was there at the gas station at that particular time, buying a coffee or something.
I was quiet for a few minutes in the car. Once back on the highway, I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw my little Angel asleep in her seat, all warm and dry. Her cheeks were rosy from crying, and she looked beautiful. As my heart swelled and ached with love for her I understood (as I have before) the word "unconditional".
Then, I made Courtney swear that we would obey a strict Same Sex Bathroom Visit Policy from now on.
We are driving home from vacation (in this case a 3 day trip to a cabin in the woods) and the kids are exhausted. It is dark. From the back seat Maya yawns and says she has to go potty. Naturally we are on the highway so I get in the right lane and start watching for an exit with a rest stop or gas station. As I veer onto the exit ramp, I look in my rearview mirror and see that Maya is fast asleep. She looks so Angelic and peaceful. And I have to wake her up.
If there is one absolute certainty in the world it is this: children ALWAYS go to the bathroom at the most inconvenient times possible. It's like they have some little internal radar that dictates a full bladder when (a) there is no bathroom in sight (b) you have just finished taking their sibling to the bathroom or (c) they have just fallen asleep on a long car ride.
Here's the problem: Maya is a pistol when she is happy and awake. When she is cranky and tired, she is a Nuclear Weapon. She is my Tomboy Princess. I love her to death. That is never in question, I would give my life for her in an instant. But, I would be lying not to admit that sometimes I think it would be a wise decision to hide under a desk in the fetal position rather than face her when she is mad. I am told that I was like this when I was a little boy. Sometimes when I relate stories about Maya to my parents they look at me with this strange smile, like they are finally cashing in on some cosmic bet from long ago.
So, the dilema. Let her sleep in peace, which she deserves, and risk cleaning up a horrible mess. Or, wake her up and take her to the bathroom, risking the wrath of a tired 3 year old Kamikaze.
I woke her up. And, as luck would dictate, it was my turn to take her to the bathroom. Generally speaking, Courtney takes on this duty - I did more with Luke when he was smaller. But, for reasons I don't recall, it was my turn.
Gently, I tap her on the shoulder. She nods in and out of sleep. I say something sweet. She tells me to leave her alone. I remove the seatbelt straps. She curls up in a ball. I pick her up and she puts her head on my shoulder. Very sweet and comfortable. I take her into the gas station and realize as we enter that this is going to be one of "those" men's rooms. I look back to the car, look at the bathroom door, and think that it can't be too bad. As I enter Maya starts to protest. I explain the situation to her. I reason with her. I reason with myself about why I am reasoning with a tired 3 yr. old that has to go to the bathroom.
I have read that there exists in nature many predators that disguise themselves so well that their prey is completely caught off guard when they attack. This is absolutely true, and one of them is apparently my spawn. Her first cry was piercing. Then, gathering her wits, she stopped crying and attempted to argue her way out of the bathroom. I asked her to take off her pants so that she could go potty. She refused, loudly. She told me that she was wearing a ballet one-piece under her jeans and T-shirt and that if I wanted her to go potty I would have to get her naked. This part she said quietly. She was not quiet when she yelled, "I won't let you get me naked!!" Nor was she quiet when she shouted as loud as she could, "Get away from me - you're not my Daddy!" Or "Don't touch me" Or "I just want my mommy. What did you do with my Mommy?"
I think it was at this point that I started to realize how this must sound to anyone on the other side of that door. Children say strange things, that's a given. I know that most parents would understand exactly what led us to this moment if they knew the whole story. I also know that if I were on the other side of that door at 10pm in a dirty gas station in the middle of no-where Ohio listening to a little girl scream what she was screaming I might be inclined to break down the door. Or call the Cops.
I was past the point of no return. She was going to use that bathroom if it was the last thing we did together. It should be noted here that I do not hit my children. In fact, I don't even spank them. My best form of punishment for Maya is taking away her baby dolls or dance slippers. I know what you are thinking: If I spanked her she wouldn't act like this in the first place. That's a nice thought, and absolutely not true. I do not know a parent that spanks who's child does not act out. I do not know a parent who doesn't spank who's child does not act out. All children act out.
Eventually, she went. She cried, protested, swore the whole time that she didn't have to go and became absolutely inconsolable, but she went. When I was putting her clothes back on and instructing her not to touch anything she stopped crying only long enough to ask what the vending machine in the bathroom was for, and did she get a treat for going potty. I tried to explain in a very calm tone that the machine was for adults only and did not have treats for little girls in it. This made her Really Mad. As I dried her hands and pushed open the door she was saying "I should have at least earned a treat for what I did".
That is when I saw the Police Officer with her hands folded over her chest staring at me on the other side of the door.
I smiled, weakly, and headed straight for the car. I figured that if she wanted to ask me questions, fine, but at least I could get to my wife and other child so she could see that I wasn't some Sicko. Safety in numbers, right? Thankfully, she did not ask me any questions, and I am quite sure that it was a coincidence that she was there at the gas station at that particular time, buying a coffee or something.
I was quiet for a few minutes in the car. Once back on the highway, I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw my little Angel asleep in her seat, all warm and dry. Her cheeks were rosy from crying, and she looked beautiful. As my heart swelled and ached with love for her I understood (as I have before) the word "unconditional".
Then, I made Courtney swear that we would obey a strict Same Sex Bathroom Visit Policy from now on.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Sometimes Time Times Itself
After a long break from blogging it was fun to come back and read old posts.
Time flies...I can't believe how much it feels like some of the events in previous posts happened just yesterday only to realize it's been years. The kids are growing into such strong forces and although the change happens slowly it is absolutely palpable.
I've switched jobs, again, but am still with the same company. The drive is longer but I am a Managing Partner now so it seems like the gas / time / miles are part of an investment. Oh, and the restaurant(s) are cool and profitable so that makes it interesting.
I've missed this - it's a nice way to relax and process the day, let it roll off, and drift away.
-DR
Time flies...I can't believe how much it feels like some of the events in previous posts happened just yesterday only to realize it's been years. The kids are growing into such strong forces and although the change happens slowly it is absolutely palpable.
I've switched jobs, again, but am still with the same company. The drive is longer but I am a Managing Partner now so it seems like the gas / time / miles are part of an investment. Oh, and the restaurant(s) are cool and profitable so that makes it interesting.
I've missed this - it's a nice way to relax and process the day, let it roll off, and drift away.
-DR
Monday, September 18, 2006
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Poetry
It's official - I finally wrote a poem, breaking what ended up being a 5 year dry spell. The last poem I wrote was shortly after September 11, 2001 and became the final piece in my senior thesis. Soon after that poem Luke was born and I decided that my next would have to be about him. Unfortunately, I had a really hard time grasping how much he was changing my life (do new parents ever know how much children change everything?). The idea that I refused to write a poem until I finished one for him became a sort of game in my head which evolved into a self-inflicted writer's block.
The poem is titled "light". I need to revise it a bit, but I am happy to say that now I feel a weight lifted from me and I see the world in a familiar way again. I think I should work on Maya's poem right away so that I don't wait until she is 5...
The poem is titled "light". I need to revise it a bit, but I am happy to say that now I feel a weight lifted from me and I see the world in a familiar way again. I think I should work on Maya's poem right away so that I don't wait until she is 5...
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
The Prodigal Blogger Returns
Hello again from Toledo / Ann Arbor.
Since my last post I have come to think of Toledo and Ann Arbor as a single city seperated only by a few chapters in a book on CD at 2am.
(Is anyone reading this?)
So much has happened. I think it is best to not write one long boring story, but to insert the details instead into the next few posts.
The big news making me sit at 1am and awake a sleeping blog is...
Maya is walking!
Well, kind of walking. She took three steps yesterday-right into my arms as she was holding a book of puppies that she apparently had decided I must read to her at that exact moment.
I am very proud.
I hope that you will read this blog again, I look forward to continuing it. I want to rant and rave about why I stopped writing for so long, but that is a different post for a different day.
For now - I am tired - and glad to be writing again.
Since my last post I have come to think of Toledo and Ann Arbor as a single city seperated only by a few chapters in a book on CD at 2am.
(Is anyone reading this?)
So much has happened. I think it is best to not write one long boring story, but to insert the details instead into the next few posts.
The big news making me sit at 1am and awake a sleeping blog is...
Maya is walking!
Well, kind of walking. She took three steps yesterday-right into my arms as she was holding a book of puppies that she apparently had decided I must read to her at that exact moment.
I am very proud.
I hope that you will read this blog again, I look forward to continuing it. I want to rant and rave about why I stopped writing for so long, but that is a different post for a different day.
For now - I am tired - and glad to be writing again.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
work work work
12-14 hour days, 6 days a week. Constant planning, teaching, coaching, decisions, and about 750,000 details to work out. I guess I knew this was coming. I pushed opening by a few days to allow for some extra training. Open to the public day is now May 1, and today I will decide on final dates and times for the practice days and VIP party.
Details to follow.
Details to follow.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Crosby's
This picture and quote were sent by my Aunt Julie Kowalski (mom's sister). It was taken on the day my Grandma returned from the hospital. Enjoy...
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Back Online
With the family sick and work pressure hitting me full force, I haven't been online to post (or even check email) in about a week. Here are some updates:
Family:
Grandma left the hospital this week and was moved to a recovery floor of the retirement home. Grandpa was also moved to the floor where the staff can check on him more easily since he needs so many "cues" to get through the day. They are keeping their apartment on the first floor for now, but I gather the plan is to eventually move Grandma up to Grandpa's new room. So with living space on the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd floors, I think they are taking over the community. Thank you all for the prayers and nice thoughts.
Everyone in my house (except me) over the last week had a fever that reached at least 103. Luke and Courtney got as high as 105 at one point. Doctors say they had a really bad flu - and Maya's ended up being a double ear infection in both ears. I missed work a bit to help at home - and have so far avoided this round of it. Today everyone is doing much better - let's hope its over.
Work:
Our opening date is set at April 26. Training begins on April 10 and is pretty intensive for the two weeks leading up to the opening. At this point I have hired my core staff, and will just use next week to fill in some of the holes. I feel very confident so far with the crew. The experience of opening a restaurant is a roller coaster that is in many ways driven by these 80 or so strangers that I hired. Although I direct most of what they will do in the next month, it still feels like I am the one along for a ride. The weekend before opening does include one VIP and two Practice days. Those nights always feel like the moment when the roller coaster breaches the top of the big hill - but hasn't rushed downward yet. In that moment I can tell what kind of a ride it will be. Opening night is rushing down the hill - and the first year after opening contains the corkscrews, smaller hills, and loops that make the ride so worth it.
I hope everyone is well...
Family:
Grandma left the hospital this week and was moved to a recovery floor of the retirement home. Grandpa was also moved to the floor where the staff can check on him more easily since he needs so many "cues" to get through the day. They are keeping their apartment on the first floor for now, but I gather the plan is to eventually move Grandma up to Grandpa's new room. So with living space on the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd floors, I think they are taking over the community. Thank you all for the prayers and nice thoughts.
Everyone in my house (except me) over the last week had a fever that reached at least 103. Luke and Courtney got as high as 105 at one point. Doctors say they had a really bad flu - and Maya's ended up being a double ear infection in both ears. I missed work a bit to help at home - and have so far avoided this round of it. Today everyone is doing much better - let's hope its over.
Work:
Our opening date is set at April 26. Training begins on April 10 and is pretty intensive for the two weeks leading up to the opening. At this point I have hired my core staff, and will just use next week to fill in some of the holes. I feel very confident so far with the crew. The experience of opening a restaurant is a roller coaster that is in many ways driven by these 80 or so strangers that I hired. Although I direct most of what they will do in the next month, it still feels like I am the one along for a ride. The weekend before opening does include one VIP and two Practice days. Those nights always feel like the moment when the roller coaster breaches the top of the big hill - but hasn't rushed downward yet. In that moment I can tell what kind of a ride it will be. Opening night is rushing down the hill - and the first year after opening contains the corkscrews, smaller hills, and loops that make the ride so worth it.
I hope everyone is well...
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Progress
The construction phase of the restaurant is moving along. The shell of the bar is in, floors are finished, drop ceilings are in progress, and the kitchen equipment arrives Monday. Part of our deal with the city of Ann Arbor over the historic context of the building included a restoration of the original Mayer-Scharer sign over the front door. It arrived yesterday and I was amazed. It is very cool, and very very large. I took a walk on my lunch break and counted that I could still see the sign from about 4 - 5 blocks away. I can't wait to see it at night all lit up. I have completed the first 5 days of hiring and I feel pretty confident about the types of applicants so far. It is a good feeling to know that we are creating 100 new jobs. Sometimes the look on an applicant's face when I offer them a position is enough to make me smile all day.
Cheers
Cheers
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Sunday, March 19, 2006
First Word!
Maya has been exploding with energy this week. She is so close to crawling that I would bet it will be in the next few days. She rolls everywhere she wants to go, but when she tries to crawl she goes backwards. She looks so determined. The biggest change in her this week seems to be how she is interacting with us. The first thing we noticed was that every time she has a towel or blanket within arm's reach she smiles and covers her face. She will sit there patiently and not move it until we say "Peek a Boo". It is fun. She has also found that she likes to wave. Of course when we wave at her we say "Hi". I was shocked on Thursday when she looked up at me, waved, and said "Hi" so clearly. She also babbles a lot - most of which sounds like "Dadda" to me (although Courtney hasn't heard it yet). She has said "Hi" 4 or 5 times since Thursday.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Grandma Crosby
Last week it seemed that my Grandpa Crosby's health took a turn for the worse. The doctors told us that he should be transferred to assisted living. He refused, and will not even speak of being separated from Grandma. If it is possible to live on one heart and one brain, they do.
Then, just as everyone was focusing on his needs, my Grandma had a stroke. This was very upsetting for me, as you can imagine. My Grandma Crosby, as most of you know, has had a significant impact on my life. I love her dearly.
The stroke was on the left side of her brain, causing some paralysis to her right side and making it difficult to speak. My understanding is that she was unconscious for most of the first day.
I am happy to report that she is recovering very well! She has regained feeling in her right arm and leg. She has smiled and is speaking better. It will be a long road and they will both need to be in assisted living at the least. Please pray that they can be transferred together.
The Great Depression - War - Children - Work - Retirement. These hounds could not tear them apart - let us stop poor health at the door as well.
Then, just as everyone was focusing on his needs, my Grandma had a stroke. This was very upsetting for me, as you can imagine. My Grandma Crosby, as most of you know, has had a significant impact on my life. I love her dearly.
The stroke was on the left side of her brain, causing some paralysis to her right side and making it difficult to speak. My understanding is that she was unconscious for most of the first day.
I am happy to report that she is recovering very well! She has regained feeling in her right arm and leg. She has smiled and is speaking better. It will be a long road and they will both need to be in assisted living at the least. Please pray that they can be transferred together.
The Great Depression - War - Children - Work - Retirement. These hounds could not tear them apart - let us stop poor health at the door as well.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Good night (yawn) world
It's just after 1am - I just got home from work. I am exhausted.
My job tonight was to "follow the flow". This puts me right in the middle of the experience the entire night. First, I start at the door and spend time with the hostess greeting and seating guests. Then, after the first wave is sat in the dining room, I go to the bar and help with drinks. Next, I make my way to the kitchen and work the expo line. Expo is like the last line of defense in a restaurant kitchen. When the chefs finish cooking each plate they put it in the service window and the expo reads the order ticket and compiles the meal on the tray for the server to deliver. Expo physically looks at and touches every single plate that goes to a customer. This does not happen slowly, as you can imagine. It is a good place for a manger to be for a number of reasons. I can watch the ticket times which tells me how long guests are waiting for food, I can catch errors before they are seen in a dining room, I can monitor the quality of the product being served, I can control portion sizes, and I can influence presentation. After expo, I go back into the dining room and do table visits and talk to guests. I don't visit every table (that's annoying). Instead I find a reason to approach random tables (clear a plate, pick up a napkin, etc.) which makes conversation easier. Finally, I return to the hostess stand to thank people and ask them to return. Begin wave 2 - greet and seat - then the process starts over.
Following the flow is extremely difficult.
I got in a fight with a jar of mayonaise and it won - I need a shower.
My job tonight was to "follow the flow". This puts me right in the middle of the experience the entire night. First, I start at the door and spend time with the hostess greeting and seating guests. Then, after the first wave is sat in the dining room, I go to the bar and help with drinks. Next, I make my way to the kitchen and work the expo line. Expo is like the last line of defense in a restaurant kitchen. When the chefs finish cooking each plate they put it in the service window and the expo reads the order ticket and compiles the meal on the tray for the server to deliver. Expo physically looks at and touches every single plate that goes to a customer. This does not happen slowly, as you can imagine. It is a good place for a manger to be for a number of reasons. I can watch the ticket times which tells me how long guests are waiting for food, I can catch errors before they are seen in a dining room, I can monitor the quality of the product being served, I can control portion sizes, and I can influence presentation. After expo, I go back into the dining room and do table visits and talk to guests. I don't visit every table (that's annoying). Instead I find a reason to approach random tables (clear a plate, pick up a napkin, etc.) which makes conversation easier. Finally, I return to the hostess stand to thank people and ask them to return. Begin wave 2 - greet and seat - then the process starts over.
Following the flow is extremely difficult.
I got in a fight with a jar of mayonaise and it won - I need a shower.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
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